Celebrating

Yesterday I took that small step and came back to BS. Then I took another, I made a list of things I need to do. Then another, I actually consumed my water and it wasn’t that hard. The rest are steps that I will take along the path to renewal and rebalancing.

I read Kama’s blog and I knew exactly what she was saying. Grief and loneliness have been a large part of my life and a place where bondage could really take a stronghold, especially in the form of food addiction. It’s my number one medication and it’s not what I want to turn to and worship as the comforter of my vexed soul. I want to live in freedom.

I keep reminding myself that joy and happiness are not the same thing, and I always have joy even when happiness is missing in action. My joy is the Lord, and my trust in Him. It’s the peace in the emotional storm that I need to seek when I feel those attacks in my head, stomach, heart, mouth, mind….wherever they call from, there is one single solution that resides in my spirit and it’s always available but, I’m the only one that can access it. That’s my part of the solution, just to seek it when needed. That is a step I’ll work on today, for I have a journey, but I’m not alone and there is health and wholeness at the end of the journey.

I’ve been gone a long while, first it was an injury and then it was a serious heart problem and then pile lots of emotional junk on top of that, and I just gave up pretty much the last half of the year, but it’s a new year and there is a new resolve to do better and get where I need to be, to take care of me inspite of everything else. 

I started the year off with getting rid of some of the emotional junk by getting rid of the boyfriend, and then by deciding that I will not let someone else run and ruin my life with their negative energy, especially on a site that is suppose to be supportive. I know that everyone will not love and care about me the way that I love and care about them, but when they don’t, it’s their problem and says nothing about who I am. We all do the best we can with what we have and I know it wasn’t intended to be negative, but I just take it too much to heart when other people don’t seem to care about me, and end up feeling worthless and  let it get me depressed and that gives me a license to stuff myself and not take good care of myself. That has to stop. I deserve better than that from myself. If the people I want to love and care about me don’t, or not in the way that I need, I just have to push on knowing that no one can ever love me enough to make me who I need to be except God and myself. When you’ve got the best on your side, the rest really doesn’t matter. So I’m going to weigh tomorrow morning, fix my weight tracker and get on with what I need and want to do. I love my family and I want to be around a long time to be there for them and be a good example of what you can overcome when your heart and mind are set upon the right things.

So here’s the list of things I will start improving:

1. Take my supplements and medications everyday as they are meant to be taken. 

2. Eat breakfast everyday.

3. Keep my calorie counter up each day and log my exercise.

4. Make use of that gym I pay for every month.

5. Drink 8 glasses of water per day.

6. Stay in touch with my best friend, Jesus, all day and ask for His help in dealing with my food obsession and poor emotional health. 

You have to eat to get that metabolism stoked and the sad truth is that carbs make you retain water in your body which equals weight! And of course all I care to eat right now is fruits and veggies…cold ones, if I can get myself to eat at all. This morning I struck on the idea of hardboiled eggs for breakfast. Cold out of the fridge! I made them to add to salads like chicken and tuna to up the protein since I’m not wanting to eat much. Gotta do what we can to keep the metabolism going. Anyone else struggling? Any other good ideas for dealing with it?

Just a reminder that the Longest Loser Challenge 2 will be starting soon and you must be entered by this Sunday morning!

We have lots of girls , 18 so far, at the starting gate but no guys yet. What’s up with the guys on this site? Are you afraid of competing with the girls?

Hey Everybody! Come join in the fun and competiton for the second Longest Loser Challenge. (yes, the last two gals, Sabine and Rachel, are still battling it out for the first winner title! And good luck to both of them, what troopers they are!) We have established the rules and you’ll find them in the “Forum”, Weight Loss Challenge section listed under the New Longest Loser Challenge. Sign up now and start next Sunday, June 15th. And don’t forget to go over to the original thread to cheer those ladies on and to find out how they are doing it!

I started a new thread today because someone new here wanted to join the old one and I told her it was too late for that but we could start a brand new challenge. Is anyone up for another go at the chance to be crowned the 2nd Longest Loser? If you are the thread is in the Diet and Weight Loss Challenge Forum with the same title I used for this blog!

I’d rather go to the gym and workout all day surrounded by young beautiful hard bodies that would make me feel older, fatter and out of shape than I really am than start the moving project! Does that tell you how much I hate packing up. It’s not just packing up I hate. It’s the going through crap that makes me crazy! I need to get rid of a whole lot of junk and I have world ranking as a pack rat! Spare me the tips like if you haven’t used it in 6 months, I already know em, it’s the doing it that is the hard part!

I did my devotional, I took my walk, I did my Rockstar duties, I fixed a wonderful healthy breakfast, snack and lunch. I talked to my granddaughter about coming over and helping me tomorrow. I’ve done everything I can but what I HAVE to do. I’m only off this week and it’s gotta get done. I need Prayer, serious PRAYER! to get me off my procrastinating behind and working on this house! Now I think I’ll call the Vitamin Shop and schedule a good massage, I think I’m going to need it! Then maybe then I will get on with what I have to do today to be on schedule!

I once read something about men sizing other men up by how the lady on their arm looks. It said that men notice a woman’s well kept appearance more than her actual beauty or size, when they are evaluating a man’s success. If his lady is well kept looking they think of him as a successful lucky man no matter what size or how beautiful she is. I asked my sweetheart if that was true, because frankly I couldn’t quite believe that, but John told me that it’s true and I certainly believe him.

He told me that it’s part of my allure to him that my nails are always well cared for and I dress well and appropriately for my age (not too young or frumpy either). He said it makes my beauty (remember he loves me LOL) even more beautiful and attractive. He’s proud to be seen with me, and he’s sure other men think he is successful to have made such a catch!

So gussy on up your beautiful self and know that you will be sending out the right message that will have people admiring how well you look! Gussy up that attitude too, you will be so much more attractive! And that goes for you guys as well. I always notice a man’s appearance more than his looks. If he’s clean, neat, and looks like he gives a hoot about how he looks he sends a powerful statement of confidence and success.

No matter what gender you are, success is always alluring, look at some of the Hollywood set and other celebs who in actuality are not beautiful or handsome but they are adored by so many and have partners that a less successful person would never think they could attract.

Get busy today and Sport Your Stuff and then work for even more success! You are all Rockstars as long as you keep working it! And thanks Jackie for jogging my brain this morning with your comment, it gussied up my attitude for sure!

I sometimes fall into the thinking that everyone has already said all the right things and I surely do not need to add my own two cents to the blogs I read. It won’t make a difference, but that is not true. I’m still getting comments about “Why Lie?” and here it is a week after the fact. Wow, you guys just never cease to amaze me with your love and support, but this morning I was feeling a bit down when the scale had not budged after a week of mending my ways and even making strides in the walking part of my plan. It was disheartening to try that hard and not get back at least some of that gain. But it only took one comment to that old blog this morning to totally turn my thinking around. My friend and fellow Rockstar, Jackie, commented on taking my on good advice and that I am still at a loss from where I started.

So here’s to Jackie and the power of that one comment, sent at just the right moment (who says there is no God?) that has my down mood all turned around and now I’m thankful for being less than I was and encouraged to go back this week with renewed energy to work on being my Rockstar best and patiently await the scale acknowledging my effort.  What does a mindless scale know anyway! LOL

Hope you wonderful friends, buddies and fellow Rockstars have a Rockin week and don’t forget the thing you may left unsaid might have been the thing that someone really needed to hear!

Love you guys! Holly Rockstar

I dreaded getting on the scale this morning. I knew I wasn’t going to like the read out at all. Boy, was I right! The first thought that crossed my mind was that I just didn’t have to put it in the tracker, I could just sit on it until I got rid of what I gained. I certainly didn’t want to see it mess up that graph, but hiding the fact that I have gained weight in cyberspace doesn’t hide it in reality, and then I would just be a liar on top of being disappointed. (I almost said failure but that’s not true, I’m human and not the perfectionist I want to be, so yes, I haven’t got the graph I wanted, but I am not a failure! A failure would give up but Iam not going to do that.)

A major part of recovery is accountability. I haven’t done the things I needed to. Yes, there were reasons for some of the problem,but the truth is they were difficult but not impossible for me to have done something about, but a contributing factor to part of the gain was willfully eating what I knew was not a good choice and not drinking enough water and for that I have no excuse. And in the case of the ice cream sundae I ate, it didn’t even taste good to me. So that needs to be a lesson, once I start to eat healthy the other stuff doesn’t taste good anymore, so why give in to the fat girls demands and eat it. If I do that enough times it will start to taste good and I will be headed down the road of self destruction again. I’m NOT going there again. I will pick up my bruised ego and promise to be kinder to it in the future by staying on my plan. 

I’m not a failure and I’m not a liar, I am simply disappointed and I can live with that!