Celebrating

Yesterday I took that small step and came back to BS. Then I took another, I made a list of things I need to do. Then another, I actually consumed my water and it wasn’t that hard. The rest are steps that I will take along the path to renewal and rebalancing.

I read Kama’s blog and I knew exactly what she was saying. Grief and loneliness have been a large part of my life and a place where bondage could really take a stronghold, especially in the form of food addiction. It’s my number one medication and it’s not what I want to turn to and worship as the comforter of my vexed soul. I want to live in freedom.

I keep reminding myself that joy and happiness are not the same thing, and I always have joy even when happiness is missing in action. My joy is the Lord, and my trust in Him. It’s the peace in the emotional storm that I need to seek when I feel those attacks in my head, stomach, heart, mouth, mind….wherever they call from, there is one single solution that resides in my spirit and it’s always available but, I’m the only one that can access it. That’s my part of the solution, just to seek it when needed. That is a step I’ll work on today, for I have a journey, but I’m not alone and there is health and wholeness at the end of the journey.

I’ve been gone a long while, first it was an injury and then it was a serious heart problem and then pile lots of emotional junk on top of that, and I just gave up pretty much the last half of the year, but it’s a new year and there is a new resolve to do better and get where I need to be, to take care of me inspite of everything else. 

I started the year off with getting rid of some of the emotional junk by getting rid of the boyfriend, and then by deciding that I will not let someone else run and ruin my life with their negative energy, especially on a site that is suppose to be supportive. I know that everyone will not love and care about me the way that I love and care about them, but when they don’t, it’s their problem and says nothing about who I am. We all do the best we can with what we have and I know it wasn’t intended to be negative, but I just take it too much to heart when other people don’t seem to care about me, and end up feeling worthless and  let it get me depressed and that gives me a license to stuff myself and not take good care of myself. That has to stop. I deserve better than that from myself. If the people I want to love and care about me don’t, or not in the way that I need, I just have to push on knowing that no one can ever love me enough to make me who I need to be except God and myself. When you’ve got the best on your side, the rest really doesn’t matter. So I’m going to weigh tomorrow morning, fix my weight tracker and get on with what I need and want to do. I love my family and I want to be around a long time to be there for them and be a good example of what you can overcome when your heart and mind are set upon the right things.

So here’s the list of things I will start improving:

1. Take my supplements and medications everyday as they are meant to be taken. 

2. Eat breakfast everyday.

3. Keep my calorie counter up each day and log my exercise.

4. Make use of that gym I pay for every month.

5. Drink 8 glasses of water per day.

6. Stay in touch with my best friend, Jesus, all day and ask for His help in dealing with my food obsession and poor emotional health.